Ellie belfiglio

When I hear this sound that awakens me, intimidating its way into my cloistered night, I write…

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I wrote this poem in year 1965…


I am ready to take off

Go, leave, forget!

I need an amnesia,  

To release the tension!

I cry in vain;

For good and bad reminiscence.

I look in the mirror

To see my ashen face.

I sigh with disappointment!!!

The big tree of my childhood

was burned to warm someone’s home;

The tree I used to climb;

The tree I used to hide among its branches;

The tree I used to shelter in its warmth!!


The blue sky I watched so much

Is now full of poison.

That clean rain I walked in

Is now turned to mud.

The fresh air filled with wet soil odor

I breathed deeply in

Is now unbearable.

That beautiful rainbow I adored

Is now black and devilish.

That red flower I dried between pages of my journal

Is now broken to pieces ( like a powder).


That warm closeness I had with mom and dad

Is now out of my imagination,

Or made by my imagination.

I am far, I am close, I am lost, I am forgotten.

I am now what I never was.

                  I am ready to take off,

                 Go, leave, forget…





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“GLORY” ~~~~~~ OLD

I seek glory.

My thoughts moves fast.

I lose my existence.

I intend to live forever.

I don’t learn my lessons.

He is gone, she is gone, they are gone!


My life has had many ups and downs;

Struggle for a loaf of bread.

I have been a bystander;

Now and then.

Where and how?

In the bypath of time and byroad of places.

The dawns of nature captivate my entity.

I am the prisoner of my feelings.

I want this, I want that!

I don’t want this and that anymore!


My soul is in uproar.

My thoughts lead me to confusion.

I am a feeling, confused worrier.

Living has been a tough experience.

He is gone, she is gone, they are gone!

Graveyards are full;

People who searched fro glory

I misapply the facts.

I don’t hears the dead!





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“THE OLD MAN” In the memory of my father in law, 1994

Here I am sitting in front of the old man’s house-

Looking at the pouring rain,

Hearing the siren…

The siren of a police car, or an ambulance, or a fire truck.

How do I feel?

I feel black as my heart!!


Today the color of my heart is the color of my feeling.

Today my heart is black.

Hang on to the cruel life.

He said, “Life is sweet”.

I look for the right words to soothe,

To soothe the old man’s disappointment.

To sooth his anger, his helplessness,

To soothe his hopelessness.

To read his lips which saying the words:

“I don’t want to die!!!”


I looked at old man’s wedding pictures.

I looked at his handsomeness.

Looked like a movie star, I forgot who!

I looked at his eyes gazing down amorously…

Amorously to his beautiful bride. I listened to his reminiscences.


I feel a pain in my heart

To see he is melting,

To see he is screaming with no voice for help,

To see the fear in his eyes

To see his anger, his disappointment,

To see his battle for dignity!

I watched him losing the battle.

I watched him mourning for his life.

I watched the fear, the unbelievable fear

In his eyes, sitting in their deep sockets.

I watched the color of his face turning sooty.

His lips turning blue.

I watched his fright.

I watched him losing this final battle!!!


Here I am sitting in front porch of the of the old man’s house,

Looking at the pouring rain,

Hearing the siren of misery , death, loss!

How do I feel?

I feel black as my heart…



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I celebrate tonight-

I celebrate tonight the majesty of an eternal love-

The splendor of an ideal love-

The grandeur of a true love!

I celebrate tonight-

I celebrate tonight the wisdom of needy me-

The cautiousness of torturous me-

The affection of love sick me.

I celebrate tonight-

I celebrate tonight the death of misery-

The impurity of misery-

The nihilism of misery!

I celebrate tonight-

I celebrate tonight the emigration of solitude-

The freedom from solitude-

The vengeance of solitude!

I celebrate tonight-

I celebrate tonight the beautiful new me-

The sentimental new me-

The amorous new me.

I celebrate tonight-

I celebrate tonight my new life-

My new love-

My new birth night…



Passion for art

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I keep coming back to this letter that I wrote to my mom! When I read it, still gave me the emotion I felt when I wrote it. I wasn’t sure that I should mail this letter or not, but after a week, the letter being sealed and stamped I finally mailed it. My mom received it and she was so depressed and worried for my well being. We had a lot of phone conversation because of this letter. These conversations brought us a lot closer to each other, like two best friends. Well, she is only 16 years older than me. Our love had nothing to do with our separation of 32 years. I’ve seen her only twice in the last 32 years. However she is not only my mom, she is now my best friends…